Struggling With Spiritual Guilt
Every Thursday evening, I return home after a week of traveling for work. It’s a moment I eagerly anticipate—the sound of the door unlocking, the rush of little feet, and the warm embrace of my kids. It’s a simple but profound joy.
And every week, I bring them a surprise, usually in the form of chocolate.
This week, as I strolled through the shops during my lunch break, searching for a new type of chocolate to excite them, I found myself reflecting on why this small tradition means so much to me.
A Tradition of Love
Growing up, my own father worked long hours at a local convenience store. He left home at 6 AM and returned at 8 PM every day. Yet, no matter how tired he was, he would bring my siblings and me a chocolate bar each evening.
My favorite was Caramac (anyone remember those?).
Now, 25 years later, I find myself continuing this tradition with my own kids. But why?
For me, bringing home a small chocolate treat each week is my way of saying sorry. Sorry for not being there for them during the week. It’s an act of love, but also a way to make up for the deficiency I feel as a parent who isn’t always present.
And when I think back to my father, I realize he likely felt the same way. It’s funny, isn’t it? We often think we’re so different from our parents, only to discover how similar we truly are.
Feeling Deficient in Faith
This reflection brought my thoughts to my relationship with my Creator. As Muslims, many of us grapple with the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a constant pendulum swing—at times feeling close to our faith, and at others feeling distant.
That feeling can be overwhelming, even paralyzing.
But here’s the key:
Just as I bring a small gift to my kids as a gesture of love and reconciliation, we, too, can return to Allah with acts of kindness and devotion.
Deficiency as an Asset
The feeling of deficiency, of not being good enough, isn’t a flaw. In fact, it’s one of our greatest assets. It reminds us of our dependence on Allah and pushes us to return to Him with sincerity and humility.
Every act of worship, every dua, every good deed we perform is a way of saying, “Ya Allah, I’m trying.”
Just as my small gesture to my kids bridges the gap created by my absence, our acts of worship can bring us closer to our Creator, even when we feel distant.
A Gentle Reminder
If you’re feeling inadequate in your faith this week, remember this:
- Your imperfections are a part of your humanity.
- Your efforts, however small, are deeply valued by Allah.
Take that feeling of not being good enough and let it inspire you to do something kind—towards others, yourself, and most importantly, towards Allah.
Our deficiencies don’t define us; they guide us.